 

' .. - Scarlet&BIac Septembe 9.1977 age .
»——‘__—
lel Kowals/et ' ‘ . .

“Punct’taddict
gives confess1on

“That’s right, it was a living hell.
Out on the street, not knowing
where your next meal was coming
from, battling that unquenchable
need tor more punctuation. Don‘t
get me wrong, I wasn’t always like
this. That’s Why I’m here. To steer
you young punctuation misusers
from addiction,

“It all Started when I was just a
lad in grammar school. I was the
normal kid, a few mistakes here
and there on my papers, no real
problem. But those red marks the
teachers made began to bother me.
I realized that I had to rid my
papers at every last one. My tenth
grade English teacher is the
person who first introduced me to
over indulgence. She believed the
only way to be rid oi errors was to
use punctuation anywhere I could
fit it. Sometimes with a few
iriends. then, later on, by myself, i
punctuated whenever I had the
chance; in my room. the bathroom
in school, out in the Woods. By the
eleventh grade I knew I was
hooked.

, “MY SENIOR year in high-
School and my first two years in
collegwwith the easy 36085 to
punctuation—proved my downfall.
There 1 moved on irom commas,
and periods to the hard stuff:
quotation marks. exclamation
points, even asterisks. There

 

wasn’t a mark I hadn't tried. Then
the bottom dropped out. I was
thrown out of school because I
passed out in the middle of class on
a dose of hyphens, Things couldn’t
have gotten any worse—or so I
thought.

”I straightened out and stayed
clean for awhile. Just long enough
to meet a girl. marry, and have
nine kids. But then I began to feel
the pressures again. The job at the
plastic fruit factory just wasn‘t
what it seemed. The walls began to
cave in. The children were growing
into brats and my wife was
beginning to grow a moustache. I
went back to punctuation.

“I BEGAN to hide semi-colons
around the house. I couldn't begin
the day Without a Comma or colon
to ease my frazzled nerves. That’s
when I finally decided to get help.

“I've been clean for three years
now, and it looks like I’ve licked
the stuff for good. The sight of a
question mark just plain makes me
Sick And to think I once couldn’t
even write a sentence like this
without carelessly throwing in
punctuation, All thanks to ‘Puncb
House,’ the halfway house for
punctuation addicts. Their service
works, and it’s really worth it.

“I encourage any of you who
may think you have a problem to
give these people halt a chance!

Lea/9 Seidler and
Michelle Stacey

Simple solutions
cure troubles

Dear Grinclda. I'm living off
campus and for the first time I’ve
had to take care of myself. I can’t
cook! I can't budget! My apart-
ment has cockroaches! And I can’t
even afford toilet paper, Can you
help? Neglected Norman

Dear Norman. Your first three
problems can be solved in one easy
stewsend ror my very own Cheap
Food Cookbook. In it you'll find
such ingenious creations as
cockroach kabobs, noodles a la
noodles, and tried wonderbread,
with easy directions. As for your
toilet paper dilemma, use this time
honored solution. Take your SMS to
the bathroom with you and if
you’re sparing it will last all week.
Good luck! Griiiolda

Dear orinelda, l am a lonely iresh-
man and lneed help. i had a steady
boyfriend in my home town but
he’s very far away. I need to find a
lover and don’t know What to do
Nobody has asked me for a date
even once. Cold Sheets

Dear Sheets, First of all, you need
to lower your standards. We don’t
have any knights in armor here at

 

Grinnell, Don’t sit and wait for a
date; life at Grinnell is
highly casual and dates are rare if
not extinct. But pickrups aren’t.
you’ll be delighted to discover.
There’s nothing wrong with being
picked up, unless you wear the
same clothes to breakfast the next
day on the wrong side of campus.
Be aggressive! Act casual! And let
me know how you're doing,
sweetie. Grinelda

Dear Crinelda, I’m having
problems with my Serbian Novel l
prof. I don’t understand why he
doesn't like me. I've studied
Serbian Literature for years and
I’m sure that I know more about it
than he does. I try to help him
along during lectures but he has
started ignoring my waving hand.
sometimes for fifteen minutes or
more. I never miss the class even if
I have to bring my Wheaties with
me And when he goes off on a
tangent I try to subtly bring him
back to the point by whistling
“Swanee River." Nothing I do
helps, Put upon and persecuted
Dear Put. Some profs are mean.
Drop the class. Grinelda

Pub Club, Inc.

HAPPY HOUR

4:00 -

MONDAY

6:30

- FRIDAY

Ballet coming

Suzanne Farrell and Peter Martins. principal dancers oi the New York Ballet, will head a troupe of 14
dancers who will pcriorm in Roberts Theater September 17 and is. The ballet is being sponsored by the
Grinnell College Public Events Committee and the lowa State Arts Council. ’

Negotiations for the event were carried out by College Programs and Activities Director Gcor
Dentel. who says that Farrell‘s and Martins' appearance at Grinnell is exclusive in that their road trip is
limited to two weeks oi mostly half-week residencies.

The 12 supporting artists, all soloists with their own companies. hail train the iollowine companies:
The Alvin Ailey Company. the American Ballet Theater, the Boston Ballet. the Eglevsky Ballet. the
Harkness Ballet, the RobertJoﬂrey Company, the National Ballet or Canada. the New York City Ballet.
The Pennsylvania Ballet and the San Francisco Ballet. .

Ticket distribution will begin Wednesday. September 14 at 11:00 am iron. the forum desk. ID cards

must be Iresented.

The Scarlet and Black is a forum
of communication read by
students, faculty, administrators
and trustees. We encourage our
readers to express themselves on
matters important to them and to
react to issues appearing in the
paper by submitting letters to the
editor. We ask that they be brief. If
a reader prefers to do a lengthy
treatment ofa topic, “Open Space”
articles may be submitted. We
reserve the right to edit all letters
and articles for reasons of clarity
and»or size. The deadline for
submitting material is Tuesday at
9:00 PM. ior the issue appearing
on Friday of that week. All
material must be signed. though
signatures will not be printed it so
requested.

 

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interview in person at German House,
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stolen, in PEC—lwo rings. one blue
cameo, one Sliver band It yDu haves
con5(ience, please return to Box 555 or
the PEG desk. Great sentimental
value

Wanted tndiwduals to work as pan.
lime readers. A reader is needed who
has taken two semesters pl college
French other readers are needed
who can read genera! nomlechnical
materials Number ot hours
negotiable For turther inlornlatl'on
rail JoAnn Gludicessi. m3.

Wanted Workers in sort hybrid corn
call can (Tower at 235 am Rides
lurnished \

Wanted Workers to clear lot at
Oakland Acres. CallAlAsplundaIZJo
lass. Rides lvrnished.

Help Needed Sale Earn cave Mo 5.
lunch hour. call Mrs Hamell at 23.5.
5m,

 

 

 

GPAQQ ROOTQ GALLERY

PAINTINGS, JEWELRY, POTTERY, etc.

also Second hand Clothing and plants,

Downtown above Penney’s
ManSat 10-5

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EXCELLENT KOSHER

FOOD
Monday 8 to 9

consecration (£3
56$ \‘EmEAM 3Aﬁﬂo®fd

 

