The Fine Art of Zupky

by Tom Miller

Hey, do you want a real thrill? Something
better than eating blueberry pancakes with
sour cream and chocolate covered grass-
hoppers when you’re stoned out oi your
gourd? Then try to commit the unique
act of Zupky. It's really very cheap and,
in it’s basic form, raiher simple.

First get an old bathtub from a junk-
yard. If it leaks too badly fix it with
caulk, plaster or used Juicy Fruit gum.
Then find a likeable field and bury it up
to the rim with an East»West orientation.
virgin pralre hillo
Virgin prairie hilltops are preferred sites
for this placement.

Next go to the local zoo and get three
bushels of fresh elephant dung. Most zoos
will let you have all you can pick up for
free. If this prized substance is unavail-
able or too costly, cow dung works almost
as well. Dump the manure into the bathtub,
add a bucket of water, and a halt gallon
of Boones Farm Apple wine. Stir well and
cover the top with whipped cream. Place
an overripe cherry on top. Cover with an
old, mustyvsmelling tarp and let stand for
two nights.

The next day mix two cups of cranberry
juice, a quart of mayonnaise, and a pint
of rasberry sherbert in a large kettle and
bring to a slow boil. When this has boiled
ior twentyseight minutes add one cup or
organic honey, three ounces of lager beer,
and a teaspoon of salt. While this is boiling
for another six minutes drink the rest ofthe
beer to pass the tune. _

Next add two tablespoons ol applesauce,
seventeen cloves, aquartofketchup, agallon
of grape Juice, and one bay leaf. Simmerfor
four and a half hours.

While this is simmering gather a quart
jar lull of red ants. The smaller types
are preferred by many people. (Caution:
do not remove all the ants from one colony.
This is ecologically damaging.) Then go
out and rip'ofi a tall, electric blue candle.
When the mess on the stove has boiled
for the allotted time place it, still hot, in
the retrigerator tor the night.

Get up early the next morning and arrive
stark nude at the hathtub twenty minutes be-
iore sunrise. Be sure to bring the candle,
matches, ants. a can olpaprica,andthebrew
cooked the previous day. Remove the tarp
and stir the contents of the tub until smooth.
Place the candle ninteen inches from the
eastern end of the tub. About two minutes
before Sunrise light the candle and, while
facing the candle from the other end of the
tub, pour the entire kettle of cooked goodies
over your head, allowing it to run over your
entire body.

when the sunlight strikes your head imme-
diately begin beating your chestand shouting
“Zupky” over and over. Continue this until
the sun is iotally abofe the horizon and then,
grasping the jar ol ants in the right hand,
unscrew the top with your left, pour the
entire mass over the top of your head.
Stand with your arms outstretched and
remain there as long as possible. When you
can no longer stand the sensations throw
away the jar and lid and, while lustily
shouting “Hazungal”. jump into the muck-
iilled bathtub, being certain to put out the
candle in the process.

Remain submerged until black patches
appear upon your retina and then stagger
out. Stir the mass Well and sprinkle the
paprica over the top. Cover with the tarp
and, being certain to pick up everything
you came with, return to your abode.

After the thrilling sensations have worn
off anonymously call your favorite food

service and inform them where they can
obtain, absolutely free, many gallons of
muck suitable for use as gravy, dessert
topping, pudding, pie filling, soup, or brain.
They will be overjoyed!

The ritual of Zupky may be Varied in
many ways according to the tastes and
pocketbook of the performer. Some people
like to smoke a green pepper beforehand,
others prefer to substitute watermelon see
eds for the cloves. One young man from
Oregon sticks a piece of burning incense
in his left nostril before lighting the can-
die.

The dawn of the summer solstice is prime
time for Zupky and tor hardy souls oiscane
danaVian lineage the winter solstice is of
equal importance. However, if the up has
more than three-quarters of an inch oi ice
it isn’t worth it. Try Zupky once as set
down above and then vary it lor more un—
usual thrills.

separating

with the way things are

there isn't much of a way to talk about them
except as you talk about the weather .
in that tone of voice

without the moisture of rain

or any element

other than the object in mind

as a point that matters

or seems to

create a mass for itself

“the snow settles the winters in comfortably”

 

 

 

We could go to poetry readings at
the 92nd St. “'5‘!
and we could go to the museums,
and afterward rest upon the steps
and eat warm soggy chestnuts.
And then we could walk through the park
hand in hand,
and we wouldn't even need to talk.
And We could make love,
afterward sinking into a sleep of
perfect dreams.

R. Quint

The Clique

The deflation of ﬂaccid duress and the mediocre stature of pride,

The fluid, lighthearted, almost standard promise.

All these embezzle the deciduous cobweb ot the clique!

Yet, to correct one's ouiotic lulcrum of patronage is to perplex,

For one’s periphery does not always perjure the celestial'inhibitious oi rancor...

To elate is to jeopordizel

Ron Medvin

it seemed as if this would come
because oi the way the day was made
no difference in the sky and the ground

between them the snow is all of the some color
and the ice as only a matter of reflection
on the part of someone I might have known
but have perhaps forgotten

or tried to

or only remember in those seasons

when the mind wears no colors of change

and I can afford to risk such memories

for a warmth not always usual

in the pain in their fading edges

when the mind has no occupation

with the birth or decay of things born

for the times we have known them in

the branches of the arms of the rain

could touch me deeper

will always be here, like their words

occupying my mind

like the window, even after you

and your charmingness of hands has remained
untouched, by the slow and present

you will become (or me like the seasons

not any one of them to be remembered

in particular but with a kindness
to their ways and an understanding
being sensitive to the weather

the question remains

with the insistence inseparable

by temperature of mind

how will I remember you ‘

with the i'orgetfulness of memories

marycalhy

 

