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by Jon Miller

Perhaps the best way tor an
author to begin a column is to
describe himself. Very well. Ihave
often been compared with Steve
McQueen. Always unfavorably.
Now, With this out of the way, I can
explain the title. Despite said title,
this column is not exculsively for
necrophiles (although you
devotees out there won’t be
disappointed). it is, rather, the
concluding line from Woody
Allen's movie Sleeper (“ .. . except
aiter death you don’t get
nauseous“) Also, it provides me
with a measure oiobjectivity since
I have no familiarity whatsoever
with either shall we say concept.
Aw shucks. But H] be dying before
long (although not as quickly as
this column's dying). Anyway, oi
the three choices—“Sex and
Death,” “Rock Bottom" (the name
of a most interesting radio show
heard irom 3.6 pm, Thursdays on
KDIC) and ”How Much Cheese Do
You Eat" (which would take more
space than I‘ve already used to
explain)7“Sex and Death"
seemed to have the right jour-
nalistic Zest. So here it is.

Here what is? you might ask
yourseli. Well, an occasional look
at the wacky, zany world oi rock
music and the hilarious hijinks
behindit all, but more occasionally
just a supposedly humorous look at
something topical. For example,
topical fish, I have a tank of them
in my room. But seriously, folks,
today we look at pop-rock music
1974. All your basic rock rags
(Rolling Stone. Crccni.
Crawdaddy, Geology lnr
tel'nationale) have ‘Best of the
Year Awards’ at the end of the
year. And since this is as much a
rag as any oi those . . .

1574Rock and
Roll Awards
Best Albums:

Court and Spark~Joni Mitchell

Fulfillingncskstevie Wonder

Late for the sky—Jackson
Browne

Good Old Buys—Kandy Newman
We Were Close: .

The Wild, the Innocent and the E
Street shutilFBruce Springsteen

Heart Like a Wheel—Linda
Ronstadt

Dragonrly—Jeiierson Starship

Shcct Music~10cc

Band on the Run—Paul MC,
Cartney

In which Doris

her oats

Biggest Wastes of Vinyl:
notcakcs—Carly Simon

On the Beach—Neil Young
Why AM Radio Is What It Is:

1) Kung Fu Fighting

2) Taking Care of Business

3) Rock the Boat
Why FM Radio Is Getting There:

1) Taking Care of Business (long
version)

2) long versions of old Grand
Funk songs

3) Lucy in the Sky with
Diamonds (Elton John)

Rock Couples We’re Sick of:

1) Mick and Bianca Jagger

2) James Taylor and Carly
Simon

3) Seals and Crofts
Rock Stars Who Should Sleep With
the Fish:

1) Elton John

2) Carly Simon (she already
sleeps with a iish)

3) Jim Croce (No! You’re kid-
ding! Well, don't tell the radio
stations.)

More Talent in Your Little Finger
Than:

1) Barry White

2) Neil Diamond

3) James Taylor
So Long, It’s Been Good to Know
You:

1) Grateful Dead

2) King Crimson

3) Mahavishnu Orchestra
Lost in the Twilight Zone:

1) Moody Blues

2) Laura Nyro (third year in a
row)

Rock Events of the Year:

1) Dylan tour

2) Crosby, Stills, et all tour

3) Jerry Garcia shaving off his
beard (tied with Jack Casady
shaving his head and then growing
an Afro).

Surprise oi the Year: Return of the
Lost Hallucinogens

And so on and so on. The world of
rock music gets to be so mundane,
so boring at times, It makes me
wish tor the good old days. , . ah,
yes—calm musician old upright
piano in the corner oi the night-
club. Sam—that was his name——
playing all our iavorites all our
songs stardust and as time goes by
and my man and st. james ins
iirmary blues yes and . . . What? A
party" With artificial stimulants?
And loud music'! Led Zeppelin?
Hold the Hamm’s, mama, I'm
coming home . . ,

Scarlet and Black, January 11, tins—p. 5

Follow the yellow brick road

by J.C. Woods

in the beginning Gay lib was oi no interest to me.
Of What use coul it be to me? People who should
have better things to do than advocating acts of
sodomy. Of what use is that to anyone but the
sodomltes themselves? But then the Gav Eroun
itself made a wholesome change. Somehow the
malevolent iorces of evil were purged, somehow, as
it seldom nap ens in the lite the iorces of purity
prevailed. To ay when one reads the Gay Perr
spectives one hardly knows it was written by a
pederast, and even when it is mentioned the guilty
party so roundly apologizes ior his deiormity that
one feels almost ready to iorgive him his horrible
defect.

But the greatest and most important change, I
think, is the change in terminology irom the gross
and pejorative Ga (we know what the word
means) to the tie icate and provocative term
Alternative Sexuality, Now, instead oi passing up
the Gay Perspectives (due to the (act that I am not
ordained to ear confession, much less read it)
Each week, I search it out immediately, excited at
the prospect oi the exploration oi new branches oi
sexual tree. 0i course, this seldom happens and
with the new semester I should like to give our
Alternatively sexual (AS) friends a few pieces of
advice:

1) A good article on necrophilia would be ape
preciated. (No more or these grave articles
shrouded in grisly detail, superstition and more
tification which constitute the corpus of works on
this subject. We want to diideeper and get to the
real meatof the subject Suc an undertaking would
surely fill your coffers).

2) Onanism is robably the second most
sport (after drin ing) on this campus, an

Gay perspectives

lpopular
is not

only an Alternative Sexuality, but an Alternative to
Sexuality as well. I am sure some great gain can be
made were the Gay Group (in the name of alter
native sexuality) to give demonstrations and lec»
tures on the subject. Knowing Grinnellians
(es ecially the males), I think that none would
suf er from an improvement in techni ue in this
most vital art. I am sure not much is eing done
correctly.

3) A religious tract confirming the theologically
timportant discovery of the trinity as a menace a
rots.

4) Further there is a largely ignored sexual
fragment. How, i sigh, when i remember my youth-
lul relationship with ny Rhode Island Red, Kuth (no
iaggotry here). One day while sleeping in my
bac yard she, thinking she had iound a worm,
began to periorm an act one would assume
necessitates lips. Discovery of the leasure her
talents could bring caused an number ess string oi
clandestine meetings until one Sunday I could not
iind her anywhere. l searched for her, abysmally
distraught, until i iound her in our dining room
swimming in her gravy at which i became ab.
solutely hysterical. have never recovered. No one,
not Susan, my turtle, Leslie. mv cow. norlmV
beloved Linda, has soothed the trauma I received
trom my first love. I am sure that this iorm of
Alternative Sexualiay should not be neglected,

I shall be please by whatever Gay lib should
decide to do about my proposals. Whatever it is, it
will come too late to save me. I intend to retire to
Alternative Asexuality (A.A,),

P.S, Dueto my retirement atprcsent l have a pair
oi goodras~new hip boots ior sale

If you know what I mean

. By Bruce N. Koii

Irecently asked a friend what he considered to be
the best method of altering the consciousness of the
average American with regard to gay sexuality.
Without a moment‘s hesitation he replied, “Alter
the attitude of Ann Landers." And I began to marvel
indeed at the wondrous (power of this dynamic
woman with the most wi ely read column in the
U.S. So, in a moment oiutniost iautasy and delight,
there emerged the Ann Landers column that I as a
gay person would most enjoy reading:

Dear Ann:

My iriends and I used to read your column {or
laughs after morning classes. but now I really have
a problem and desperately need your help. .

Rocky (fake name) and l have been going
together for almost 2 semesters. He’s always been
real nice to me, and we never had any serious

roblems, it you know what I mean. i really dig

im.

But gee, Ann, last night takes the cake. He and 1
went to this place on campus called The Pub, and he
started to drink, Well, I usually don’t mind when he
has a little too much, ’cause he can be kinda cute
that way, it you know what i mean.

Well, on this particular night some really strange
people were there, the type that aren’t real normal,
if you know what I mean. But one oi them (a ﬂy!)
came over to our table and asked my Roc y to
dance—just the two of them. I started laughing,
‘cause Rocky and i used to just crack up every time
those people made a scene dancing with each other.

Sexism shocks both near and far

by Kathy Kramer

Perhaps one could call a
semester away irom Grinnell an
uncomiortable awakening or a
sexist shock. My seven months
away exposed me to the worst that
society can offer. As a secretary at
the Department of Agriculture, I
was to fetch cuiiee ior my boss and
to laugh and blush at all his off» ‘
color jokes. I learned from my
intelligent but unaware coworkers
that l was not to expect praise for a
job well done, but 1 was to be
pleased and surprised at each
compliment. With encouragement
from my feminist iriends, I
departed from the Department oi
Agriculture with few tears and
hard—earned money.

Thinking that an academic at-
mosphere would shelter me from
discriminatory points oi view, i
started the Washington Semester
Program at the American
University. American University
had its share of sexist strongholds
such as the frat and the jock dorm
but the most u'nliberatcd in-
dividuals on campus were the
women, They paraded in platiorm
shoes, tight pink bellbottoms, and
fur jackets discussing
princess touchtone phones or their
Bloomingdale credit carolsoates
with the right man were a sign of
success and a graduate‘thhout an

engagement ring had a bleak
future, Needless to say, I avoided
the A.Ur social scene and Spent
much oi my time at my internship
on Capitol Hill.

Washington political lite has
never been commended by MS. or
Now tor its open attitudes toward
women. The prevailing Hill

09

#1 personally. Underneath the sur»

thought is that Bellanbzug is
unieminine and ugly, Elizabeth
Holzman should be a PTA
president, and Yvonne Braithr

their \vaite Burke would be a smashing

model. At my internship in Ed
Mezvinsky‘s office, I was fortunate
to be given jobs oi responsibility.
Many oi my leinale iriends in other
Congressional oilices spent-long

hours in front oi typewriters or
filing cabinets while their male
counterparts wrote speeches and
answered constituents’ mail,

With heightened sensitivity, 1
returned to Grinnell to see if our
college is the liberated haven I
once thought it to be. I was pleased
to discover the outward trappings
of an increasingly aware campus
such as the new gay pride and
more emphasis on sexuality and
women’s health care. Un-
iortunately the number oi in-
dividuals directly involved with
these movements is small and me
majority oi students on campus
never need to confront these issues

888

Managing Editor

Graphics Editor

Business Manager
Advertising Manager

But this time, Rocky got up and danced with himl i
couldn't believe it. I mean—we never had any
problems, ii you know what I mean, But there he
was bumping and hugging some other guy, Then a
lot more or those people started dancing, and oneot
those girls came over and asked ME to dance with
HERX. Well, l’m not one of those ultra women’s lib
t pes, so oi course I refused, Then, aiter sitting
there in utter humiliation for almost two hours,
waiting ior rtocky to sober up or something, the
absolute worst hap ened. He asked me to un
derstand, and leit with that weirdo he was dancing
with!! God, Ann, I was just embarrased to tears.

To be blunt, Ann, is my Rocky one or them? ,
Maybe it's my iault, it you know what i mean. But
what should I do?

Signed, .
Grinnell Belle
Dear Nellybelle:

Wise up, babe. Rocky is flying a new set oi colors.
So let go honey, and let him show oii the new paint
'ob. .
1 As tor you, it sounds like you‘ve been dipped in
turpentine. Drop your bustle, (outs, and don’t be so
afraid to be something other than what is expected
of Du. If that shoul someday include (Heaven
for id!) dancing with another woman, let it shine.
And if the cree s in the back of The Pub start to
snicker, that’st eir problemiand a big one, too, ”if
you ki/l‘ow what I mean.”

on

tountlcd I872
uiiicial student nevispaper ol' Grinnell College

published weekly except during holidays and
vacation periods by Grinnell College, Committee on
Publicity and Radio, Grinnell, la. 50112.

Editor Brent Scliondelmeyer
Elaine Carey

Mike Winston

Doug Halsey

Davc Calvert

Greg Tobin

Carin DuPree

News Editor

Sports Editor
Cartoonists

Ruth Risdon
John Loin

face of our liberal institution,
Grinnell has a grossly unequal
athletic program and a male»
dominated faculty. Many Grinnell
students, believing themselves to
be liberated, are the perpetrators
of sexist graffitti and the ex
ponents oi snide comments about
the movement. It is not satisfac-
tory to espouse the rhetoric of
liberation without living it. In
many ways, Grinnell epitomizes
the kncc-jerk liberal who assumes
a position without analyzing it.
In the future, this column will
address itscii. among other things,
to this problem oi blindly accepted
modes oi operation at Grinnell.

Circulation Manager

REPORTERS—Tom Arena
berg, Shelly Blair, Denese
Cosper, Tim DcCoster. Anne
Demiuoii, i’atty Hero, Eva
l-lierschbiel, Tom Kirrlakos,
Helle Lukk, Mark Mayer, Juan
Milligan, Torn Pantea, Janet
rcpt», Lorne Robinson. Patty
Rose.

Chris Sodoma

SPORTS REPORTERkRiCh
Arnold, Russ Damtoit, Katy
Duiiy, Rick Nightingale, Dave
Schechter.

PliOT()GRAl’llERS——Michael
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Jones, Davtd Nordstrom. Rob
'l‘ow,.lamesWhite,.lohn Wylic

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