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A Midsummer’s Night Dream

by Tom Knapp
Like alllnternationaliy famous Coir
umnists, this reporter too, has a
bevy oi Capital Hill secretaries
and clerks, all busy copying, photcr
graphing, and otherwise stealing the
most interesting of the avalanche
oi government documents, labelled
tor one reason or another, “Secret. "
As part oi a program oi bringing
the newest political developments
to the eyes of the Grinnell populace,
this “columnist” has taken the li-
berty oi reprinting several of the

Rheionic . ..
Unlimited

most topical. ~lnterpretations are
leit, just this once, to the reader.
(This series was found clipped to-
gether among some rusted beer
cans twenty five feet under the sur-
face of the Potomac. Undoubtedly
la new tiling system.)

To: RMN

Frnm: RH-CIA

Subject: Top Secret

1 really would likg to help you,
Dick with that pesky Ellsberg tel»
low and the rest of the problems
around town. But you know now
busy things are around here this
time at year, what with the new
codes and all. I still haven’t ti~
gured out my secretaries memos.
Also, you wouldn't believe how long
it takes to insert a transmitter
into all those Pepsi caps that“
we're sending to the bad guys.
By the way, how about my idea
to soak that wheat we are gin
ing them in Phillips Milk oi Mage
nesia? It would be better than the
U-Zfsl

oee, Dick, any other time, in
say line, but we are really swar
mped. Yearly statistics come out
next week, and this year we’ll
Show 'em a 23.69459% decrease
in serious crimes. We've found
the greatest loophole; just ignore
anything that happened on a legal
holiday; don't know why we didn’t
think or it years ago. By the way,
one of my boys saw you last Sat-
urday under the Key Bridge in
Georgetown; the negatives are in
my sale, and you really didn’t want
our agency to undertake this the
vestigation anyway, did you?
To: RMN

From: JM-Juslice

As you know, Mr, President, the
Department of Justice was initiated
to protect the rights or Amercans
from illegal activities. While the
recent rash ot-leaks may beimpor-

tant, we do not ieet that the De-
partnient of Justice should waste
its time on this, as there are
many other projects oi greater
importance. If you have seen the
calender, you will note that there
is only a little over a year until
the election ln the interest of
all Americans, thisdepartment has
already engaged in a lull timeass-
ignmenl, your rerelectlon.

To: RMN

From: till-free lance anything

I would be delighted to undertake
mission. However, several changes
are needed. I plan to make this
assignment into my next book.

Therefore, we need a much better

plot. Could i use Trisha as my

assistant, and maybe work in the
romance angle. 1 alsoneedayoung,
eager but not so, you know, Dick,
and I thought David would fit the

bill, if Julie will lend him for a

couple oi days. Also tor the big

iinish, I thought we might try a

limo chase up penn., if you could

arrange to have it blocked tor a

couple of hours. Will be in cons

tact, and don’t take any wooden
cyanide pillsejust a little shop
humor.

The next group ol documents are
even more topical. it would appear
that the President has agreed to
answer questions irom the Senate
Watergate Committee in written {0,
rm. The iollowing were photographr
ed in the oval office in a file markr
ed, "Things To Do Beiore the App
earanco oi Haley’s Comet."

Sen. Ervin: Mr. President, being
a simple country boy I do ieel very
humble in this position, but there
are several questions I would like
to address to you. As youknow God
created-the heavens and earth, and
on the seventh day he rested, but
the constitution very clearly de-
lineates the need for us to in»
vestigate because a rolling stone
gathers no chitlins as my grand-
dad used to say, so alter it rain-
ed tor forty days and nights, the
writ was issued to you by our
committee. As you know, when in
the course at human events, our
forefathers set forth on this contir
nent the sixth amendment, the wrath
of God was everywhere. Now, you
really don't believe that the second
statute 0i: paragraph seven or the
public code illustrates the need to
damn the torpedos, in this case,
is that true, sir? I remember once
back in Caroline, we were about to
try this fellow for killin’ his dog,
but the judge just smiled and said,
in the case ol personal property
versus public domain, I must in—
sist that we recess. Would you
please answer, Mr. President, in
live words or less

Sen. Baker: Do you think, Mr. Pres-

ident, that purple drapes would go

demure M

v and delighted town children discover a long row of forts and caves.

Alumni Club Director Named

(OCR)--ianet W. oerman oi Grine
nell has been named alumni club
coordinator,

Announcement oi the appointment'

was made by Dorothy Smardeck
Palmer, alumni executivesecretary
who supervises this and other alu—
mni programs,

Ms. Palmer said that the post of
coordinator is a new one designed
to assist in increasing the number
of alumni clubs throughout the na-
tion and in providing Closer hale
son between the clubs and the col-

\

logo.

A Grinnell native and graduate
oi Grinnell Community Senior high
School, Ms. German has been ac-
tive in service and civic activi-
ties. Sho was elected president oi
the lowa State Jaycee Ettes tor the
year 1962-63 alter having served
as vice-president oi that organiza-
tion in the previous year.

She was president oi the Grinnell
General Hospital Auxiliary in laser
70 and currently serves as a meme
her or the board oi directors oi the
Grinnell United Fund.

well in the oval oiiice? Have you
had any trouble with the pipes on

the second floor? What kind oi
wardrobe should a President huy.

sir? What was your iavorite ex-

perience as president?

Sen. Inouye: To be, or not to be,

that is the question, is it not, Mr.

President, whether tis nobler to
bear the slings oil outraged public

opinion, and nast commentators,

or by acting, end them, and but-

tress the sacred Harris. Perch-

ance, you dream, the noble slum—

ber of China, of Russia of 65%?
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen,

Sen. Montoya: Snore, Snorezzzzz

ZZZZZZZZZ Snore ZZZZZZZZZ

Snort, Zu zzzzzzzzzzz?

Sen. Talmadgemaw, isn'tittru sur,
that you plan ta repeal aall votin'
rights hills since 1865, sur? Ah
really don’t see haw y'all could
be guilty, thank ya, sur.

Sen. Weisker: Where is Presi Ad-
ams, Mr. President Where is
President Buchanan Where is
Pres. McKinley?- Where is Prs
es. Tatt7-—--l hope, sir, that that
shows you something.

Sen. Gurney: Isn’t true, Mr. Pres--
ident, that you were out of the
country, or sleeping, or something
during most of the time period Of
the Watergate affair?

Mr. Dash: Where were you On the
night of the 26th, ISN'T it true
that YOU were not at the public
library as you claimed, lsn'T it
true that you went to the scene
of the CRIME with the Express
purpose of attacking the deceased
in COLD BLOOD? Woops, sorry,
wrong brief,

THE GRINNELL SCARLET AND BLACK AUGUST 24, 1973

Grinnell gets a summer face lift. A solemn sentinel stands by Highway

6 in lrnot of Hurling Library.

No, I’m Not A Tourist

by Kyle Schaub

thn, AUSTRIAHGreetings irom
Austria, birthplace oi the Sound cl
Music. periodically during‘ iirst
semester you will be hearing irom
me under the guise oi "European
Bureau Chiet“ or something equal-
ly pretentious. But also appearing

_ in this Column will be the thoughts

and experiences of the 29 other
Grinnellians who are on academic
leave to study in foreign lands.
Together we iairly well cover the
globe; irom Kyoto, Japan to Eogata,
Colombia. Hopefully you will gain

' Photo by hm Wiltohlr

workmen prepare the bubbling cauldron for the Forum roof tarring . . -

Blues Proiect Together Again

by Frank Stoler

Roy Blumenteld, Danny Kalb, Steve
Katz, Al Kooper and Andy Kulberg
last periormed together as the Blues
project in August 1967, Since then,
parts oi the Blues project have
been heard in Blood, Sweat and
Tears, Sea-Train, and countless
other recordings. However, rarely
have these other incarnations oi the
person oi this band played the qual~
ity oi music that they periormed
collectively as the Blues project.
it was to this writer's delight that
they decided to come together this
summer Spearheaded byRoy Blum-

oric reincarnation.“

The first one to appear was Al
Kopper, and ma wheelchair. Immedr
iately contusion spread about as the
crowd didn't know whether Kopper
'was playing- a joke or whether he
was really ill. it he was ill, then
the energy that the groupwas known
tor would be missing, and what would
be the point oi having this reunion?

Well the crowd never did find out.
Neither Kopper nor any of the other
members of the band mentioned a
thing about it, although Kopper had
a hard time standing up and seemed
almost as weak as on the cover 01

ENE OF AN EAR

enield, they have made severalapp»
earances this summer.

it was a hot, sunny atternoon that
this writer saw them. Although they .
had periormed at Central Park
countless times, one tends toassoce
late the Cate au Go Go with the
Blues project. However the Gate
has been closed tor several years
now, although it reopened about
two years ago and closed shortly
atterwards when the Gaslight (ano-
ther “coffee club") moved into it's
more expansive room. They were
preceded by the Roche Sisters, who
quickly departed when members oi
the crowd let it be known that they
were at the concert tor one reason
only, and that was tor this ”hist-

A Possible Projection ofthe Future.

The opening number was a strong
version oi ”I Can't Keep irom Cryr
ing," proving that there is no subr
stitute tor the Blues Project-even
though Ten Years Alter does a good
version of it, neither their version,
nor anyones can stand up to Blues
Project. "Steve's Song” followed,
and the weakness oi only six days
of rehearsal immediately became
apparent. The band had a hard time
keeping in rhythm on tliisparticulnr
number “Fly Away" showed how
iragile Koppers'voice is, as his
vocals on this particular cut were
perhaps among the worst he has
done. “You Can’t Catch Me" atid

cnnt’d on pg. 8

as much irom reading this column
irom iar away places as we should
in writing it. '
Since none at my iellow ioreign

‘U’lllE \"lllllill‘ lo” Elli

study triends have yet dropped me
a triendly line, it's back to land
that made Julie Andrews tamous,
or some or my iirst impressions
of what it is like to live in a land
where the main industry istourism.

Fortunately I feel that Hollywood
has not taken away Austria’s att-
ractiveness which still causes thour
sands of tourists to ﬂock here from
all over the world. But the tourist
industry has aiiecied the mentality ,
oi the people. in both places I have
lived, Millstatt, a small, idyllic
tourist vacation spot, and Vienna,
the capital, 1 have been treated
,as a tourist out to buy the best
bargain souvenir as an ”I wasthere"
proof of purchase.

Naturally l have participated in
the tourist lndustry»one does have
to eat and the museums and national
buildings are well worth a visit.
But I‘ believe my attitude is differ-
/ent because I lived in these tWO
places ior 3 months on a student
budget, in a student “hotel," on
a student time schedule. I was not
the tourist who faces the eternal
challenge oi seeing a 1,000 years
oi developing culture in a days and
2 nights. I could take the luxury
of letting days go by at a time with
out the tourist’s mental punishment
of letting a “chance Ofa lifetime”
activity go by just because he was
too tired.

Yet when I do take the time to
visit,cultural places, I'm treated
in the same disheartening manner
with which the Austrians handle the
tourists. I find the conﬂict between
selling their country and trying to
retain a national dignity interesting,
but irustrating because a summer
University student is treated as
just one more lorm oi tourism.
You find yourself wanting them to
understand that you don't have a
lot oi money, you don't live in a
ritzy hotel, and you're not on a
tour or Europe, but rather you're
here to learn.

Hopefully this Austrian attitude
is strictly a summer critter, and
that a new mentality will greet the
in the fall when I shift my base
of operations for the final time to
Klagenfurt, Austria. There I will
be going to school with Austrians
who should be concerned with other
subjects outside of tourism. Ahdthe
proiessional tourists will have gone
home by the iall, including the na—
tive Austrians who vacated the ho-
meland this summer to visit the

homes of their tourists

/ Dean Waldo Walker announced \

this morning that he plans to
attend classes oi all new iac-
ulty members during the com-
ing year.

Walker stressed that his pur-
pose is simpiy to become bet-
ter acquainted with the new tac-
ulty, and to offer the s '
and facilities oitheadmi
tion to them.

raculty will be warned well
in advance oi a visit to their

\ class

 

