Page Eight

SCARLET AND BLACK

God Is Dead After Surgery Fails

Possible Cause Is
Cardiac Affliction

Ed Note: Below is part at an
article that appeared in the moth
odist youth magazine Motive. it
has been reprinted elsewhere, sev-
eral of the papers calling it satire.
We're not so sure.

ATLANTA, Ga. w God, creator
or the universe, principal diety or
the world’s Jews, ultimate reality
of Christians, and most eminent
or all divinities died late yesterday
during major surgery undertaken
to correct a massive diminishing
iiitluence. His exact age is not
known, but close triends estimate
that it greatly exceeded that or all
othei extant beings,

Cardiac Insufficiency

The cause of death could not be
immediately determined, but the
deity’s surgeon, Thomas J. Altizer,
36, of Emory University in Atlanta,
indicated possible cardiac insur-
ticiency. Assisting Dr. Altizer in
the unsuccessful surgery were Dr,
Patti Van Buren at Temple Uni-
versity, Philadelphia; Dr. William
Hamilton oi Colgate-Rochester, Ro-
chester, N. Y,, and BL Gabriel
Vahanian of Syracuse University,
Syracuse, N. Y.

Ofﬁcial Disclosure

Word of tiie death. long rumored,

was otii‘cially disclosed to reporters

 

at two minutes betore midnight ai-
ter a lull day or mounting anxiety
and ,the comings and goings or ec—
clesiastical dignitaries.

Johnson ‘Profoundly Upset’

in Johnson city, Tex., president
Johnson was described by aides
as “profoundly upset.” He at once
directed that all flags should be
at hall-staff until after the lunet‘al.
The First Lady and the two presi-
dential'daughters. Luci and Lynda,
were understood to have wept open-
ly. Both houses ol Congress met in
Washington at noon today and
promptly adjourned after passing
a joint resolution expressing “grtei
and great respect tor the departed
spiritual leader." Senator Wayne
Morse, Democrat or Oregon. oh-
jected on the grounds that the
resolution violated the principle or
separation of church and state,
but he was Overruled by Vice
President Hubert Humphrey, who
remarked that “this IS not a time
for partisan politics."
‘Olll or Misery’

Reaction from the world’s great
and from the man in the street was
nnitormly incredulous, “At least he
is out at his misery,” commented
one housewiie in an Elmira, N Y.
supermarket. "I can’t believe it,”
said the Right Rev. Horace W. B,
Donegdil, Protestant Episcopal BisA
hop of New York. In Paris, Presi-
dent de Gaulle in a 30-second ap-
pearance on national television

 

proclaimed “God is dead! Long
live the i-epnblici Long live
France!” News of the death was
included in a one-sentence state-
ment, without comment, on the 3rd
page of lzvestia, oltlcial organ of
the Soviet Government. The pass-
ing or God has not been disclosed

to the 800 million Chinese who live
behind the bamboo curtain.

Truman: Darrin Shame

Public reaction in this countiy
was perhaps summed up by an
elderly retired streetcar conductor
in Passaict N. J., who said: “I
have never met himY ol course.
Never even saw himr But from
what I heard, I guess he was a real
nice lellow. Tops." From Indepen-
dence. M0,, tormer President Harry
S. Truman, who received the news
in his Kansas City barbershop,
said: “I'm always sorry to hear
somebody is dead. It's a damn
shame." in Gettysburg, Pa., lot-in-
er President Dwight D. Eisenhower
released through a military aide
the toilowiog statement; “Mrs, Eis-
enhower joins me in hearttelt Symr
pathy to the family and many
friends at the late God, He was, I
always relt, a tone tor moral good
in the universe. Those at us who
were privueged to know him ad-
mired the prooity at his character,
the breadth or his compassion, the
depth at his intellect, Generous al-
most to a iault, his many acts of
kindness will never be torgotten,

 

it is a very great loss indeed. He
will be missed.”

Death Not Unexpected

Dr. Altizer, God's surgeon, in an
exclusive interview with The Times,
stated this morning that the death
was “not unexpected." "He had
been ailing [or some time," Dr.
Altizer said, “and lived inueh Iongr
er than most ot us thought possir
ble.” He noted that the death of
God, had, in tact, been premaa
turely announced in the last cen-
tury by the tamed German surgeon,
Nietzsche, Nietzsche who was in»
sane the last 10 years ot his lite,
may have contused “certain Symp-
toms ot morbidity in the aged pa-
tient with actual death, a mistake
any busy surgeon Will occasionally
make." Dr. Altizer suggested, “God
was an excellent patient, complir
ant, cheer-ml, alert. Every comfort
modern science could provide was
made available to him. He did not
softer—he iusr, as it were, slipped
out at our grasp."

Faculty Visit Schools

Three Griiinell faculty members
spoke at five high schools during
spring break as part of the Iowa
Visiting Scientist Program.

The three were Edgar Rt Mul-
lins, Jr., associate professor of
mathematics: William A, Nevill,
asactaie professor of chemistry:
and Beryl E, Clottelter, associate
protessor ot physics.

 

Friday. April I, not

’Phonons’ott Dinner

Dr. Sam Legvold or lowa State
University was guest speaker at
last night's annual physics dinner.

Students and protessors at thi'
dinner, cosponsored by the physics
department and the student section
0( the American Institute of Phys-
ics, listened to a somewhat esoteri§
lecture on “Metals, Phonons, an
Magnons," complete with demon-
strations, a nd illustrations of
phonons which are quanta at sounr‘
energy and magnons, quanta of
magnetic tlnx.

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