"""" “forthé ihtelligenfsia of Iowa"

The Gri

l

nnell

Grinnell College

Grinnell, Iowa
Vol. 86, No.21

 

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.1 am».

tPIIoto by the nlulli-lalented Cllris Lower.)

The world’s new innkeeper—

Norris sold to nat’l motel chain

by Captain Jeffery Spnulding
Over spring break, in a move
unprecedented among
liberal arts colleges, Grinnell sold
Norris Hall to Holiday Inns In-
ternational for an undisclosed sum.
Citing the sluggishness of the
capital fundraising campaign as a
major factor in the decision,
President Turner said that the sale
will be a “shot in the arm" to the
college's financial Situation,
Referring to the motel as “our
new neighbor," the President
extended his warmest welcome to

'l is tllclastetiitiotloftllcSMi
t s year. tinlortiinntcly we haw
run out at funds due to the editor's
gross iinaiiciol inisiniiiiagcinciit
Perhaps Inlsiiie, courses oi-cii't
such a I)t|(l idea after all.
Norris's lle\\ owners, Ilc also
praised College Provost Waldo
Vlalker for Coming up with tllc
idea.

Asked about this highly
thodox move. Walker said It was

er‘s idea. ,Wlth ad~
bus on the decline. \i'c j st
haven't been filling the existing
dormitory space, We saw lh -
chance we couldn't pass up '

Turner tries

unorv

in response to criticism cl lust
year‘s White Paper. President A
Richard Turner recently replied,
with :1 “Grey Paper" outlining
new goals and plans for the college

Dubbed Grey Paper because oi
the low quality paper it is written
on. the paper re-addresscs many of
the problems facing Grinncii
College. .

sa.

 

in a section discussing coed
dorms and cord bathrooms.
Turner stated. ”I agree with the

‘According to the Office of
Student Affairs. all Norris oer
cupants will be expected to vacate
the residence hall by April 5, Plans
regarding the relocation of
students have not yet been
finalized, though both Goodnow
tower and the Konga House living
room have been/mentioned as
possibilities

Holiday inn was reportedly very
pleased with their new purchase A
representative of that organization
spoke with the 5&8 about the
existing structure "It Ill. all our
needs perfectly The walls are
adequately thin and no lire lmr
pressed iiith the conspicuous use of
formlca and the modular furniture
Wc'rc also very happy that the
hallways are so harm“ . it
llltlkCS them easier to clean. We
couldn't have (lmlc any better it' tit:
lind designed it ourselves. he
said

Holiday Inll feels that \\ilh their
latest acquisition. they will have a
(Icar advantage over the other
area motels ior college business
due to their pr miiy to campus

\‘l‘lleil ilskctl “hat arrilngenmiils
nere being mode for tending
guests the representative
responded that "it's a problem

again

SGA proposal abolishing single sex
bathrooms, but to avoid problems i
have decided to also abolish
bathroom "

Turner a o proposed that the
administruti n he once again
to 'ganlzcr‘l. Lot’s iacc it," he
said, “last year I screwed up,"

Turner proposes first that the
whole faculty and sthit, with ex
ception of himself, he fired. “Fresh
people with fresh ideas—that‘s the
heart of a liberal arts education ”
he commented.'l'uriiei',also fcc

lcolltinuetl on page 4)

right now, due to the lack oi space
tor a proper kitchen "

Noting the proximity to Cowles
dining hall, we asked if any feelers
had been extended in the direction
of Dave McConnell's Food Service,
The rep. laughed and said "Not
even wc would stoop that low“

Nixon replaces Moyer

in poli sci dept; coup

hy iiuins T. Firein

In a surprise move, Iormer
President Richard Nixon ended his
self-imposed exile to accept a
teaching post at Grinnell College

The position became vacant
following Professor Ed Gilmour's
appointment as Ambassador to
Nepal, Nixon will fill the Richard
Daley chair of public ad
ministration in the political science
department.

At a nationally televised news
conference, Nixon Characterized
the department's members as
people of “uncertain integrity and
questionable moral fiber, They're
my type of folks.” Nixon also
stressed that he would attempt to
justify to his students his actions as
President. When questioned if
college students would accept him.
Nixon noted, “Grinnell students
buy everything their professors tell
them so I should have no
problems."

This is the fourth time in recent
years that Grinnel], the American
Enterprise Institute of the Mid-
west. has received national ex
posure In November of 1975,
Professor lra Strauber was
nominated to fill the Supreme
Court vacancy caused by Justice
Douglas's retirement. Strauber
rejected the poSition stating, "I
\\ould just like to continue ghost
writing Rehnquist's opinions "

What’s that hamburger’s half-life?
Forum Gr1ll goes nuke

by J. (item or Loophole

Reliable sources revealed
recently that the Forum Grill was
converted this post Christmas
lircak to nuclear power. The
decision to go fluke \\as ratified
last December at a Clandcstlne
meeting attended by Dcan Waldo
\Vulkcr. Dave \I lncll and a
select group of in ' es

The decision \ is app; Cntl_\
llzlscd on ccoilomic considerations,
ncc use of recent coiltrovc v
regal ing the safety at nuclear
pmier. the price of South African
uranium is way down, Walker said

"It u purely cconomic
(lecisto Walker snitl ill a recent
interview. We got wind that some
tiuke nuggets. that‘s slang for
Plutonium "J, was available at a
re very reasonable pricc~no
qu . ions asked iii the price iic
got this stutf tor, you don't ask
questions." he said '

The conrersion was originally to
occur iinbcknonilsl to tlle student
body, Food Czar Dave McConnell
coilccdcil in ii recent interview.
However :i number ” students
complained of glowing soiily in the
darkness of their rooms nltcr
ingesting Forum (ii-iii
cliceseburgcrs. This compelled
him to reveal the conversion to
some students, he said.

“This is also what led to th t tall
tale about :t lien ireecc
Connell continued. “If I'd told

them tthc studentsl that the left
structure housed a miniature
breeder reactor. I‘m sure it would
have upset tlienliespecially
('nrrie ilntl Jim "

The recent cosmetic surge to
sarculletl "Fort McConnell" has

met with general approval. No .

(‘oilnell Siiitl "WC: co repaired ther

CIIICKE

 

Both Professors Wayne Moyer
and Walter Stone have recently
published articles that received
nationwide attention, Moyer in
Foreign Affairs suggested that the
African situation could be resolved
by the skillful placement of small
quantities of tactical nuclear
Weapons, Henry Kissinger hailed
the articleby stating. “It's not a
bad idea for someone from Yale "

Stone, in the Journal of
Statistical Finagliug. revealed that
his analysis of recent election
results showed that the strength of
the Republican Party was directly
related to the outcome of the
University of Michigan football
season, Republican campaign
contributors were urged to send
their money to the University of
Michigan Athletic Department,
Stone received his PhD. from
Michigan one week after the
publication of his article.

At a local news conference.
President A. Richard Turner
praised the political science
department. He noted that several
organizations including Harvard.
Yale. and the Bob Dole for
President Committee were trying
to recruit department members.
But Turner Said he would fight any
effort to break up the department
and snapped. ”we built it and we're
going to keep it."

slow Icuk which. I Should note, was
statistically improbable."
Rumors that some students have
developed thick matted hair on
their tongues after drinking milk
shakes at the Grill have not been
\‘erificil. Those students involved
have mysteriously disappeared.

Food Service Clar and

crack gen-physicist Dave McCollnellhas been experimenting with new
methods oi preparing food in the Forum Grill ever since the Grill
converted to nuclear power last January. Here Dave attempts to
nuiciitry chicken in a small nuclear explosion. Fall-out levels in the
G ii are expected to be moderate to high this week. (Photo by the

axtraordiiiaryclil Lonem

 

