The Scarlet a Black, April i4, Isis—page a

Living in sin: the ten Worst rooms on campus

hy likii-k Mayer
llcn' ' Ilee‘c
John S lid
Debbie Wcincr
Last year. as a public serVice,
the 5&8 offered its readers a list of
the dandlest domiciles on campus.
This year, In the interests of fair

play, equal time and consumer.

protection, we proudly present our
expose on the absolute worst
housing Grinnell has to offer.

When we told Bill Hart. the proud
occupant of Langan pit room 209.
that we were in search of the
illusive worst room on campus, he
bid us look no further. “This has
got to be the one," he said. And
indeed he was right.

This is absolutely. undeniably,
unequivocably the worst room on
campus; folks. this is the pits.

I’i'iivilig lliilt f) mall's home is not ill\

STILL. didn't the utter squalor of
the room affect the en1
trepreneurial student7 “He
coped,” explains Hart. “by being
high all the time.”

Even if you wanted to commit
suicide in the tiny single on Main
third, the second worst room on
campus (room 57), you might not
be able to do it. In fact, you might
have to waste your rope just
climbing over the door It doesn't
always open because the tem»
peramental transom occasionally
slams down over the door from the
inside. effectively blocking en-
trance to the room. (This year‘s
creative inhabitant, Amy

Stubenhaus, has managed to solve
the problem by stuffing the cracks
in the transom with recycled
computer paper.)

BUT THE door is only the first
hurdle. To get to the bed, you must

stle. Hill lini-t ~ingcs

in the corner of his Langun pit Iiovcl, jhtlgcd the of st room on

campus.

LABELED the “Suicide Room”
after the fateful event of a few
years past when a student
liquidated himself on the premises,
the room has continued to have a
colorful history. six people lived in
the room ta single) last year—all
at different times, of course. No
one stayed for very long, either.
Some even departed for Cowles
rather than suffer the horrors of
room 209.

So why does Hart stay? “I’m
actually a masochist,” he can-
cedes, “I like it darkithe darker
the better.”

He must be very happy Dark is
not the word for this roomimurky.
is more appropriate The room
receives virtually no sunlight The
tiny window is ten feet off the floor
and the View isn‘t much anyway.

THE ROOM has no redeeming
featuresinone. No sink. miserable
closet space. bad heating, the
works, Its chief wall decoration is
an oversized electrical conduit that
apparently carries all of the
electrical wiring for the Northern
Hemisphere. In addition, “the
Walls will not hold posteis," Hart
notes, eyeing the walls as though
they were cursed. And the stair
well is right next door. “It’s
amazing how well sound rever-
berates down here," he says,

Although the room has
questionable value as a place of
human habitation, it is apparently
a pretty good place for agriculture.
One of the biggest dope dealeis on
campus lived there a few years
ago, and nurtured a ﬂourishing
garden of marijuana plants that
covered the room. A recent oer
cupant told us that when he first
moved in there was still a foot of
soil in the closet. ,

 

tPlioiiis by C] is i.uiiei~.l

circumvent the dresser, and to
reach the closet, you must leap the
bed. which extends the entire width
of these spacious quarters But
Stubenhaus doesn't complain
about the width—it isn't any less
than the length. When performing
her acrobatics, she takes care
not to bang her head on the pipes,
or trip over the electric cords,
which fan out from the sole outlet
in the room.

Because the room is so small.
stuffiness is another problem. “It
gets really hot, really quickly,"
says Stubenhaus. while sitting all
alone in the hot, stuffy, cramped
room. Amy can take comfort from
the cheerful noises emanating
from the Pub below, or from the
phone, situated directly across the
hall, And although the room is too
small for human companionship,
the resident spiders can symr
pathize with her woes. _ _

DESCENDING the Stalrs Into
Dibble pit is a Dantesque ex-
perience. The intense heat that is
for some reason peculiar to Dibble
pit immediately raises a sweat on
your neck, and the hideous Smell of
frying lint from the laundry room
next door_assails the nostrils. The
hallways are dark and cramped
and several locked doors lead off
heaven knows where. So this is
purgatory.

Nathan Borenstein's room (room
601), a single, is probably the worst
of the four rooms down there, but
this third place listing should be
taken as indicative of the overall
surdidness of Dibble pit.

A more incredible and sym-
phonic maze of pipes would be hard
to rind anywhere. Steam pipes,
sewerage pipes, yourrguess-is-as-
good-as—mine pipes crisscross

Nathan‘s room like yarn in a cat's
cradle. And with the bathroom
immediately next door and the
stairway directly across the hall.
this room is not for someone who
desires peace and quiet, Nathan
concedes.

NOISY. yes, and for animal life,
Dibble pit is legend. Mice and
“big" cockroaches are the norm
and one female departed the floor
for keeps when she was awakened
for the second straight night by a
bat hovering above her bed.
Reported sightings of armadillus
have not yet been verified.

The room, though, is not without
its assets. It does have a window,
for example, though the view
would not make National
Geographic. Outside the room,
tacked to the door frame, is a small
m‘ezuzah. Chances are that Nathan
will take the the mezuzah with him,
though, so we wouldn’t recommend
picking this room for its religious
accoutrements, no matter how
fanatical you might be.

BOTII Sheldon Tapley and Barry
Conley are “really into the cave
concept." AS a result, they like
their room In Cleveland pit (217),
even though it is the fourth worst
on campus This pit room is dark
and dingy, but NeanderthalsConley
and Tapley rarely open the cure
tains. They like to savor the
fabulous View only on special
occasions~1ike funerals.

When they do look out the win
dow, it is to gaze beyond the bricks
to the James Hall fire escape,
Sheldon admires “the neat
shadows from the ironwork outside
the window," while Barry is fond of
thetwo squirrelsthat peer at them
Squirrels are not the only ob
servers of this subterranean
domicile, “People do like to look in
on us." Conley cheerfully adds. As
Mike Niederman. a former oc-
cupant, disgustedly puts it. “You
see lCEt."

ADDING to the depressing ate
mosphei‘e is the Wallrloswall
carpet, which the pair describe as
“vomit colored." It is actually an
asset, h wever. because. says
Conley. least it doesn‘t In~
terfere with the Color Scheme.“
Tapley add it’s great for cute
ciiing i-onch .

These two optimists are even
enamored of the pipes, which
dominatethe room, They drape the
pipes with wall hangings, but
fortunately, this does not detract
from their essential benefit ”The
distinguishing thing is the noises
from the various pipes. That's
what I like the most," enthuses
Tapley.

NIEDERMAN disputes
their idyllic Vision of the room.
“For most people that
would be a terrible room. You
could die in there and not be
discovered for weeks,”

If you enjoy the food of Grinliell,
then Cowles is the place for you,
However, if you're like most
students, avoid the entire
dorm because all of its residents
are able to enjoy the lovely odors
that accompany each meal merely
by opening a door or a window,
This drawback alone qualifies all
of Cowles for the fifth Worst spot on
campus, to say nothing of its other
unappetizing characteristics.

PRISCILLA Fincli's room is one.
of the worst of the worst. It is
‘directly over the kitchen and
during every meal the dishwasher
sends the ominous FOG fog
billowing into her room, covering
her window with a hideous white
film.

It gets worse.

With the kitchen using so much
hot water, Cowles residents get
nothing but hot water during
certain hours—which is fine if you
don’t mind being boiled alive when
you take a shower. The remedy?

 

“Either turn all the showers on for
five minutes or all six sinks for ten

 

to get cold water,” Finch

resignedlv states.

ANOTHER problem in
Cowles is the relative lack of
privacy. It seems that the pipes
running through the rooms make
for great intercom systems Also.
some rooms are inexplicably
connected by additional doors,
which are kept locked. This makes
the noise problem even worse. As
for Cowles social life, Priscilla
aptly states , “Everyone knows
Cowles is for transfers, freshman
and people who can't get along
with anybody.”

For its sheer Size and location,
Marian Greenwald's room 441 in
Gates Tower ranks as the sixth
worst abode on campus Although
she has her single tastefully
decorated lo spiffy yellow paint
job has just been appliedi this
room is still a hole. It’s so small
that even the Cockroaches are
humpbacked‘

MARIAN sensibly does her
studying in the Gates fourth
lounge, Not only is there more
room there, but in order to make
space for her bed she had to move
her dﬁk and books into the lounge.

The only way one can see out of
her tiny window is by standing on a
chair, but don’t bother—all you can
see is the roof of Clark.

\ As for noise, Marian must
deal with the cacophony coming
from her pipes and sink. Besides
these noises, her room opens on to
the stairwell making for some
noisy evenings. To add to her woes,
Marian must deal With bugs,
cracked tiles. and a closet "that's
not big enough for coat hangers ”

LIKE THE preceding room, the,
first drawback of the seventh worst
room. Main room 73. becomes
apparent as you complete the last
of the four ﬂights of stairs. The
lucky owners will hear your heavy
breath as you stagger up that last
fligiit. because they hear
everything that comes up the
stairsilhere is no stairwell door
The lounge is another source of
continuous noise. The door of the
double opens upon it,

Occupants Helena Gubelman
and Ann Poor must also contend
with the small size and Lrshape of
the room, which sorely limit

 

she made our list anyway. She now
inhabits the eighth worst room on
campus.

EILEEN Dccgan, who fled her
hermitage in Dibble to take up
residence where there are no bats.
founda single tRoom 852) on North
Younker third that is virtually bats
proof. They wouldn't fit.

Her bed doesn’t. In fact, there is

no way to fit the bed, dresser, and
desk in the room and still be able to
fully open the door.
' “It‘s like a cell," says Eileen,
who is nevertheless happy with her
move, “and the room gets very
cold in the winter." tTlie room
faces northJ “Still, there aren't
any bats here "

ACTUALLY, there's not much
wrong with this room other than its
size. It would be perfect for a dwarf
or someone who is frightened of
openspaces.

Ruth Gresser’s Haines third
single t463) deserves the ninth spot
on this list for one simple reason. It
is shaped like a meat cleaver.

Upon entering the room, one
searches in vain for its occupant.
She is sitting around the corner, at
the far edge of the blade.

THE DESK and dresser are
placed opposite each other in the
cleaver-room's skinny handle.
Persons of fair to middlin’ girth
would do a lot of studying in the
library, since they would not be
able to sit at the desk, But the
chimney from the lounge below
juts into the room, leaving little
choice in furniture arrangement,
To leave the room without cutting
your hand on the dresser as you
open the door, ask Ruth for in-
structions She’s learned from
experience, The typical Haines
third floor slanting ceilings add to
the torturous shape of the room.

Upon their return from spring
vacation. Duffer Schultz and Ron
Duemler had a surprise waiting for
[hemisix inches of water on their
floor This factithat every time it
rains it pours—is why this room in
Langan pit rounds off the list of the
ten worst rooms on campus.

WHILE Scllllltl and Duemler
were on vacation, the drain outside
their “inflow (the window, by the
way, offers a View of absolutely
nothingi backed up, sending water

it. this one isn't so hot either. To keep himself out of reach of the

cockr oll‘lHL
Hoi'eiistein uses a hammock.

creative interior decorating by
leaving only two furniture options.
Gubelman insists, “it must have
been a storage room at one time."
The leaking walls also make it
impossible to hang posters in one
part of the room,

THE COLD, cracked marble
floor freezes the bare‘ tootsies
during the long winter months. If
poor Ann or Helena want to take a
shower, they must not only
traverse this tundra, but must also
dacend the stairs to Main third or
second. There is no shower on Main
fourth. In fact, there are only two
showers for the entire dorm of 60
people.

Remember the female who was
chased out of Dibble pithy the bat?
Well she must have incredibly bad
luck in selecting rooms because

that cuhuhil his expansive Dibble pit room. Nathan

over the Walls and “bubblin’ under
the baseboards.”

The room is actually quite large
and has three closets, but as
Schultz puts it. “Sure it’s big but so
are the cockroaches!” Langan was
sprayed over break and Schultz is
positive that “the roaches have
been chased to the pit . . . It’s
cockroach country down here."

Cockroaches, pipes. meat
'cleaversiall these added at
tractions make_inhabiting these
rooms an exercise in creative
living tto put it charitably), With
room draw coming up one week
from Sunday, those students who
feel creative will have a chance to
draw into one of these rooms. But
honestly, we wouldn’t recommend
it.

 

