Farewell, My

(Last chapter, some semblance of a
plot mysteriouslyappeal‘ed when ace
detective Cecil Vutwix, [allowing a hot
lead to the West Side Aquarium, was
approached by Laura Haddock-
Swanson, the beautiful fish by
products heiress. who] ' d hiln to in
vestigatc the gill net sl 'mg oi her
hither and subsequent threats on her
own lift: The dead man, Sir Richard,
Lord HtiddockrSwanson, had earlier
hired Cesil's dead partner. Miles Volh,
lor reasons unknown Cecil has just
escorted his lovely client home )

Suddenly, it was the next morning.
Cecil emerged trom Miss Haddock»
Swansou's tipartnicnti with a large.
stupid, yet smug, grinonhis iace and
hailed a cab to get back to the office,
"It's a rough liic." lic_thought. as the
taxi pulled up to the cuiib in front of
the Ragweed lnsurnnc‘c‘ Company
Building where he rented oiiice space
along with a lot of second-rate dentists
who weren't doing so I, lawyers
with win-loss records likédlle San
Diego Padres, highly disl‘eputable ace
countaiiis who nioohlightcd as bookies,
and kitchen table plastié~i
surgeons—the type who had graduated
[mm the Black and Decker Institute of
Medicine and Wanton Bulchery

Swinging open the oiiice door, he
threw Shirley o cheery. ”Mornln',
babe!” and was about to send her out
for his usual breakfast of licorice piz-
2a. when he noticed she was
blisyislumped over her desk with iive
inches or doggci- handle protruding
from tier back He thought this a bit
odd, and on the W ' into the inner 0t-
lice, he made a mental note to call the
stciio pool and harc another girl sent
over

When he stepped into the inner ot-
ticc. he was greeted by a tow small
llros. some blast marks on the lls,
and more broken glass than he'd ever
seen lie suddenly got that queer tee]-
ing between his shoulder blades that
reeling every private dick knows like
an old friend. It always means the
sumo thin : that he's about to have
the mortal shit beaten out oi him by
two or three gorilla-sized Vegas-type
thugs oiit oi the wreckage stomped
two the was lucky this time)
domesticated onlhropoids, one picking
his teeth with a railroad spike, the
other strangling n mountain him with
one haml and smoking a rozid t’lare.
Before the lights went out. he man
aged to quavel', ”1 don‘t suppose you
come to clean the drapes ,

When he regained consciousness
minutes, or weeks, later, he was
astonished to find he'd been Stulled iitr
lu lli~ let'i shoe, Removing, himselt and
extracting his wnllot, wristwatch, and

Noyemlicl 30, WW

Integrity

teeth from the other shoe, he looked
around to see a portly, graying man in
a double-breasted seersucker suit, tlipr
ping a silver dollar and whistling the
retrain trom “Hey, Big Spender." His
foot was up on CeCll's chair, and there
was a large grin on his puss “Hey,
Giusseppe, how’re the Senate hearings
goiti',” Cecil began.

/tom johnson & ice king

, Why should a man like that, a
veritable kingpin, concern himseli
with seal food? it didn't make any
sense. Kickback was well known ior
his eccentricities: his all consuming
penchant tor dry wall contractors the
was called “Gypsum Giusseppc" in
his intimate circle oi enemies) and
shell iish. But HaddockSwanson dealt

When he stepped into the inner office, lie was
greeted by a few small fires, some blast marks
on the walls, and more broken
glass than he‘d ever seen.

The smile icit the lips oi Giusseppe
kickback, known to his gangland
friends as an enemy. “Let's keep my
leisure activities but of this,” he
snarled "I‘ve got something else to
talk to

”Sure, Giusseppe, what's on your
mind?"

“Just this, little man,” Kickback
scowled, “Keep the hell away iron-i
the Haddock-Swanson girl, or Ivan
and Bobo here will break you into
very small pieces and throw you in
my carp pool Got it?"

“ 'Sinatter, Juicy, got a vested ms
terest in the dame yourself?" This
remark cost Cecil a ruptured lip;
Giusseppe hated being called “Juicy.'
“One more slip up, and you’re gonna
bite the big one.”

“Oh yeah?" Cecil retorted, As
Kickback and his goons strode away,
he thought to himself, “Nothing like a
snappy comeback to get a tellow out
oi a hairy situation,"

As Cecil Vutwix stitched his right
leg back on with some catgut he hap-
pened to have on hand, he searched
his mind [or some connection between
Glusseppe Kickback and Haddock-
Swanson, Kickback operated out oi
Vegas. and ran the most excluswe
leather goods and harness shop on the

only in Bullheads and.Mud sharks
these days Nothing figured. There
was only one thing left to do: he would
have to run down the one lead left to
hlmﬁlorget about all these damn fish
and Check out Lord Haddocks
Swanson's body at the morgue. He
could also see about getting Miles pro~
perly interred; the seal on that mason
jar wasn't. going to last torever.
(Those of you tasteless Enough to have
read the preceding chapters will
remember Miles The rest oi you can
suck eggs.)

The taxi ride to the morgue was
uneventful, with the exception of the
Fifth Street overpass, where a
mysterious tigore dropped an anvil oh
the bridge through the windshieldA of
Ceml's cab and then fled in a I
pinstriped Cadillac Having lost his
driver, Cecil managed to to grab hold
01 the wheel and bring the car to a
halt with the help oi an obliging bridge
abutment, He climbed out of the gaps
lng hole in the side of the car,
sidesteppiilg the exploding gastank
and wondering how much one should
tip a corpse. The idea oi walking the
remaining three miles didn't exactly
appeal to him, but iootwork was alls
tooVoi'tetl necessary in this business

 

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