Open Space

bl'F‘lomly

Dear College Students:

Beinga member of the left (new
and oldt is not all that it's cracked
up to be. The publicized benefits
(social acceptance, liberation,
better physique) are all just an
illusion. You’re no better off for
instituting change, feeding the
poor or curing society‘s ills. And
when you come off a binge of
liberalism—either in thought or
actioniyour problems don't
disappear, they get worse. Being
liberal can really mess up your

head. i know, I’ve been there,

Don't think that being liberal and
open minded will make you more
popular or sexy. No way Girls
today like a closedrminded man
with no insight. and it's common
knowledge that most guys want a
girl with the 1.61. of a pair oi hedge
clippers. or my friend Duane.

No matter what you think. you'll

 

Poochie offers advice

try being liberal Oh sure. some or
you will say “Nol inc, l‘m gonna
join the Marines " But l‘illat will
happen when you get out? You
can't hide behind {I butch haircut
forever. When your hair starts to
creep over your ears. that's when
you‘ll sense the horrible reeling or
your consciousness awakening it
happened to llaldeman: it'll
happen to you

But the future isn't hopeless
With the proper help, you can beat
the addiction

I've known a ten people who
have been cured to [he point or
joining the National Rifle
Association. And one guy who once
went around quoting the
philosophies or Mao Tse-Tung is
now a fullrtime geek in Chevrolet.
Alabama. So there is hope But it
takes time, determination. and a
closed mind.

The first thing to do is buy a four-
wheel drive pick-up truck. A CB
and a gunrack for the back window
are necessities. Then you must
adoptthe philosophy that all things
new or different are bad for those
reasons alone. And always rub the
back or your neck and pick your
nose in public. {The subconscious
support of these actions is ins

“My salary is my own business”

—FIOPPy

credible.)

Wear hip boots often. And
remember you are not alone
There are others like you who have
found each other for support. Look
tor help in such organizations as

the New Christy Minstrels or the
DA R. And remember. [his is

America You either love it or

 

leave it.

 

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Foreign Car Specialist,
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W More People
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mum

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i. Budweiser,

«we or EEERsit

Is this the lucky 8&6 worker who round the Great Grinnell Treasure? ll he s, his identity will remain
a mystery ior years to come under the arrangement the lucky guy has with the college. An even greater
mystery. however. is how this picture, though taken in March, makes it look like May. For the answer to
that and many other pressing questions you’ll have to ask the esoteric Chris Lower.

,LB.’s secret stash unearthed

by Mr. Otis B. Driftwood

Over break. some unusual oc-
currences were observed in
Grinnell. . . namely the digging or
holes all over campus. Inquiries
directed to the administration and
B&G twho was responsible in
most of the digging) yielded only a
stone wall of silence. A reliable
inside source at BStG. however,
agreed to shed some light on these
activities.

According to our source, a map
fragment in J B Grinnell's hands
writing was found in one of his
diaries, which purported to lead to
the “Grinnell Treasure." The
treasure was hinted to contain
large quantities of sterling and
gold bullion

This map lragmcnt. which has
apparently lain undiscovered in
Burling's vault ror years. gives
detailed directions to the treasure.
n-ith only one detail misstngithe
starting point Thus, [he ad
ministration frantically picked
likely landmarks as starting points
and followed the directions from
each of these. but with no Success,

Then. ElCCOl‘dlnE to our Sources.
the administration offered one
fifth of the treasure to any BA'G
\\ nrkei‘who succeeded in finding it
This, needless to say. brought out
more signs ol lite Ironi 8&0 than
have been observed in recent
years.

Eyes Examined '
Phone 236-7502

JENSEN
OPTOMETRISTS

Earl J. Jensen, 0.D.
Clark J. Jensen, 0.D.

Across from Post Office
Closed Thursday pm.
and Sat. pm

~.—
.0 O O. O.
.5tepupto

JD‘S RESTAURANT
COCKTAIL LOUNGE

Elevated 31922'2 Main

. ,ullvcn: Mon. thru Fri. .
.DINNER: Mon. thru rhurs..

4 pm. to it pm: Fri., Sat.
.4 leI. to 12 pm. .

The administration denies
knowing anything about the whole

affair. The iollowmz statement
was issued from President Turn-

er's ofﬁce in response to the
treasure rumorS' "The ad
ministration of Grinnell College
denies any knowledge or a so
called ‘Grinnell Treasure.‘ We do
not have, nor have ever had. any
reason to believe that such a
treasure exists. Furthermore. an
extensive Search has proven that it
doesn't." This statement satisfied
much of the campus community,
but left a few still in doubt.

Our source inside B&G informs
us that last week, a B&G worker

found the treasure. and has sub-
sequently been granted his sha re or
[he fortune. which is rumored to
run into [he millions.

Wishing. however. to keep his
identity secret and maintain a low-
protile in light of his windfall, the
B&G Worker asked to be retained
by the college under a special
agreement.

The school will pay him a dollar
a year lor which he will come to
work every day, as usual.
However. under the new
arrangement. he only has to stand
around or look like he is working. It
is doubtful that his identity will
ever he discovered.

Tlit‘ t-Miivzition in front of Nillmi lltiiist‘ (lid lint yield lll(‘ much-

songlit nttci- trt'usiii't‘. llniim't'r. tlu» iyorkors tlirl not point» up viiiply-
li‘dllilNl: they iinoarthrtl a pa or tcnnis slitn‘s lost in trim; liy \ially
\\'lill((‘r. “lion iiolilictl. “'zilkt'r 'i< quite [ilotist . "l‘it‘ li(‘(‘li looking
for those tinmn things for i: )t‘ni's non." lit‘ cominnntoii.

 

 

a
The Stupid & Banal

Pnstmasters Sena term 3579 to The Scariet a Black. Grinnell College,
Grinnelt, la sollz
Second rlass poslaoe paid at Grinneil, la sollz
Editor Mark ave Generalissmlo” Mayor
Assoctate Editor Dabble Dopey” Wcmcr
News Editor Bob ”Happy" itrkeli
Feature Editors Andy ”Bash Srhotir
Dan "Klrlky Flynn
boo ”Granny“ Mayer
(IirlS "Creepy" Lowor
John "5‘ say" slraoss
Jullanna 'Dlppy" krona
ciirl ”Sticczy“ Do'ocoahl

tloyo ”Doc” Hood
willmm "Grumpy" Doininoll

lam "Sloazy" Aranoors
Reporters

Sports Edttnl
Photography Editor
Copy Editor
Advertlstng Manager
Circulation Manooet
Busmess Manager
Faculty AdVlsnr
Editor Emeritus

Bela Lugosi. Lon Chaney. Jr, Peter Cusnmq Vincent Price. Yvonne Dc
Carlo, earls korloll. Christopher toe. kotl SErllnq. Peter Lorre, SldNCY
Greenstrect, Lon Chaney, Sr . Claude Rains, my way. Ricky Nelson, Elsa
Lanchestcr. Elisha cook. Jr. uram Stoker. Mary Shelley. Mr Whipple,
Soren Kierkn‘qaam

Photographers
Walker Evans. Diane Amos. Altrcd Sileglilz, Rmhard Aileoon. kon Galcllo
Columnists

Tom chkcr,Meg Greenliolo. Donald kaul, David brooer. Erma Bumbeck,
Cori oppeoohl. HClOlSe. Nirk von Hotlman

 

Published weekly exccpl dunno holidays and vacahon periods by Grinneli
Coileoc sludoni Publleolions and Reﬁll) committee. Grinnell. iowo. soliz,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

